Friday the 13th: Part II (1982)

(1982)

Starring: No one famous
Director: Steve Miner
Synopsis: A group of campers return to Crystal Lake 5 years after the original murders. Little do they know that the lake is protected by Jason Voorhees, a masked killer who never learned to read.

Nick's Insight: Nobody takes the Friday the 13th series seriously anymore, and why should they? After seeing him go to Manhattan, Elm Street, and outer space, the concept of Jason Voorhees seems... well, it seems retarded.

However, the truth of the matter is that the first two movies of this series really are scary. They're scary because they kept it simple. Part 2 found something simple that everyone can agree is terrifying: A retard out in the woods that wants to stab everyone... Tell me one thing that's scarier.

Get that man a chromosome

One thing I can't understand is how did Jason get so strong. I have to work be to as strong and as healthy as I am. I work out twice a month, drink 3 soylent green smoothies a day, and have my genitals professionally cleaned everytime I leave the country. I started having these cleanings after I snorted brown-brown and winded up getting AIDS from a Namibian hooker. When I found out she had AIDS, she said something along these lines:

My wife was super pissed when she smelled my weiner when I got home. When she asked me what the smell was, I looked deep into her eyes and yelled,

Anyway, back to Jason. Somehow Jason has the strength of a power-lifter but his diet must be awful. If I know anything about retarded people, which I should (I've met Ben Affleck like 5 times), his diet probably consists of pennies and old gum. But then again, retard strength is not only real... it's a pandemic.

Anyway, this movie is fucking sweet. A few weeks ago I read that some people are planning on remaking it, and with the talent that we have here in Hollywood, I'm sure they'll be able to turn it into a huge pile of dog-shit.

Adding it up: A scary re-re + a classic slasher movie = 7 out of 8mm