The Fountain (2006)

(2006)

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz
Director: Darren Aronofsky
Synopsis: The movie is centered around three parallel stories spanning over a thousand years. Luckily each story stars Huge Jackoff.

Nick's Insight: I watched this movie. I mean, I really watched this movie, and I honestly have no idea what it was about. Some stuff happens and Hugh Jackman is a pussy... That's about it. Hugh's wife is dying, but she's also the queen of Spain during the inquizition. Hugh plays a doctor, a conquistador, and apparently THX 1138 (awesome movie). Sounds pretty trippy, right? Well, guess what, it's not. What a self-important piece of shit this turned out to be. Honestly, I've never had an hour and a half feel longer.

Oh, Look at me, I'm such a bold actor cause I shave my head and look thoughtful.
What a phony

I just went through a message-board thread on IMDB talking about how this movie was one of the best movies of the past eight years. Excuse me, where's Gone in Sixty Seconds on that list? And how dare you leave out Matchstick Men.

But I can see how some people liked this movie. You know how? Because they're all pussies, just like Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman has to be a bitch about everything... That's why X-men 3 sucked shit... Wolverine was clearly a better role for me, Nick Cage. But no, the casting director told me that Wolverine's hair wouldn't be a good look for me.... Well guess what motherfucker, I have connections and I'm getting you fired... Clearly you never saw Con-air or Next.

If you name a look, Nick Cage can pull it off, baby

Go shit in your hat Hugh, you huge jackoff.

Adding it up: Stupid plot + decent score - (Huge Jackoff + pussies enjoying this movie) = 3.5 out of 8mm