(2001)Starring: Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Synopsis: Tom Hanks is on an island
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Synopsis: Tom Hanks is on an island
Nick's Insight: Surprise, Surprise. That no-talent cleft-palette is back at it. Apparently Joaquin Pheonix has quit acting and, fingers crossed, will soon be doing his best Eazy-E impression by taking an AIDS dirt-nap. Look at this bag of shit rapping:
The video is kind of grainy, so you can't see the intricacies of this douche's beard. Listen, we all know why he grew a beard, but not even a big, bushy beard can hide his hair-lip.
I guess you should try a comb-over.Other than laughing at Jaoquin's dumb ass, I recently won my fantasy football league... No fucking thanks to Andre Johnson. I almost lost in the semi-finals because that Soloman Vandy looking mother fucker couldn't catch a goddamn ball. I guarantee you that motherfucker would have had a career game if Matt Schaub had been throwing blood diamonds at him.
He would have stiff-armed four or five African guerillas and then celebrated by spiking his blood diamond and snorting a rail of brown-brown.
So anyway, I watched Cast Away this weekend. We've all seen this movie. Tom Hanks is in an airplane crash and then goes to an island for a while. He has to do shit to survive and the whole time he misses his wife.... But get this, his wife is Helen Hunt... Weird right!? Who would ever miss Helen Hunt. I mean c'mon.
Just Terrible
I was watching this movie and I couldn't help but think that I had seen it before. Then it hit me, Cast Away is exactly like my movie the Rock. He's trying to get off an island, I'm trying to get hostages off Alcatraz. He's got a volleyball, I stab a needle into my heart. See!? Same fucking movie! Except for the fact that Cast Away is not as good and it doesn't have me yelling "butthole" in it.
Do you want an acting tip from THE Nicolas Cage? Here you go: if a script calls for you to use the word "butt-hole" or any type of "hole", you fucking swing for the goddamn fences. If you do that you may one day be as famous as me... Also, be sure to blink a lot.
So Tom Hanks is on this island and then he gets off that island... That's about it. At one point he loses his volleyball and cries about it like a total fucking peach.
Adding it up: Sweet plane crash + Huge beard - no cannibals = 6.2 out of 8mm
He would have stiff-armed four or five African guerillas and then celebrated by spiking his blood diamond and snorting a rail of brown-brown.So anyway, I watched Cast Away this weekend. We've all seen this movie. Tom Hanks is in an airplane crash and then goes to an island for a while. He has to do shit to survive and the whole time he misses his wife.... But get this, his wife is Helen Hunt... Weird right!? Who would ever miss Helen Hunt. I mean c'mon.
Just TerribleRemember in Face/Off when I said I could eat a peach for hours, but I was actually talking about pussy? Well this peach has gone bad. In fact, this peach makes me want to swear off all peaches and switch over to dicks... i mean bananas
I was watching this movie and I couldn't help but think that I had seen it before. Then it hit me, Cast Away is exactly like my movie the Rock. He's trying to get off an island, I'm trying to get hostages off Alcatraz. He's got a volleyball, I stab a needle into my heart. See!? Same fucking movie! Except for the fact that Cast Away is not as good and it doesn't have me yelling "butthole" in it.
Do you want an acting tip from THE Nicolas Cage? Here you go: if a script calls for you to use the word "butt-hole" or any type of "hole", you fucking swing for the goddamn fences. If you do that you may one day be as famous as me... Also, be sure to blink a lot.
So Tom Hanks is on this island and then he gets off that island... That's about it. At one point he loses his volleyball and cries about it like a total fucking peach.
Adding it up: Sweet plane crash + Huge beard - no cannibals = 6.2 out of 8mm
1 comment:
funny
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