The Wicker Man (1978)

(1978)

Starring: Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee
Director: Robin Hardy
Synopsis: A Nick Cage rip-off goes to a remote island to find a missing girl who the villagers claim never existed.

Nick's Insight: I finally got around to watching the original the Wicker Man. I know, I know. I probably should have watched it as research before I filmed the remake in 2006. Get off my back! I'll tell you what I've told every director in this town: I don't do acting coaches, and I don't do research.

The Wicker Man is about a policeman who goes to an island inhabited by a pagan community to look for a lost girl. This cult has only two things on its mind: humping in public and apples. That's right, apples... No bees. For some fucking reason they changed the village's main food source from apples in the '78 version, to bees in my version. And everyone knows that I have tendency to get bees in my eyes. What? Oh, you want proof?

People pork eachother out in public and stuff. At one point this movie even turned into softcore dance party that apparently had music written by Enya.

This video is edited, but you get to see just about everything except you never really get a good angle on her muff. However, since this was filmed in 1978, I would assume that her vag looks like Richard Dreyfuss' chin.

I ended up enjoying this movie immensely, which made me wonder which movie was better, my version or the original. I decided to watch my 2006 version again, because the first time I watched it I coincidentally had a bee in my eye... This time didn't go much better...

Yeesh. Well, it pains me to say this, but the original is better... I guess I didn't realize how bad the 2006 version was. Don't get me wrong, it's certainly not my fault... Personally I blame the costume designer for not putting genitals on my bear outfit like I had asked... dumb bitch.

Adding it up: Plenty of tits + Saruman + No bees = 6.6 out of 8mm