Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber... (2008)

(2008)

Starring: Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Helen Bonham Carter
Director: Tim Burton
Synopsis: A Barber returns to queer-off and exact revenge after being incarcerated and losing his wife and daughter.

Nick's Insight: Hold on. Let me get this right. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp made a fucking movie? Get the fuck outta here! I wonder if it'll be all dark and stuff! OH! and hopefully everyone will be all pale so their teeth look like Steve Buschemi's

Yay, I was right. This is so awesome, new, and fresh...

You look like you would enjoy Eyes of Noctum

But in all seriousness, They have made a bunch of movies together and they're currently working on more. After all, it's hard for them to make movies without each other since they are perpetually docking one another. Could you imagine casting someone else with Johnny Depp's fleshy turtle-neck on your helmet? Don't get me wrong, Depp's cool and all, but branch out, Tim. There's plenty of other actors out there dying to dock you, bro. *coughmecoughcough*

On to Sweeney Todd. You know what you do if you need to turn an hour long movie into a 2 hour one... Make it a musical! That way you can really grind shit to a halt and drag out the story-line and make me stop watching half way through. Yes I know, I'm reviewing a movie I didn't finish, but I noticed that my maid wasn't sterilizing my hats the way I like, so I had to yell at her for a while in a language she doesn't understand.

Here's an example of this movie taking forever... No need to watch the whole thing.

No shit, that's a 5 minute clip about a straight-razor that I could've trimmed down to 1 line without breaking a sweat.

Okay, 2 lines.

Plus the music was barely listenable. It was all choppy and most of it never sounded quite right. I understand that this is inevitable when incorporating plot into songs, but I still prefer songs that I can tap my foot to... or at least Sieg Heil to.

Alan Rickman was the antagonist in this movie and I really enjoy his work. I really am a fan... It just sucks that the best scene he ever filmed ended in the parking lot of Nakatomi Plaza. I can only hope that he landed on a fat, black police officer and made Carl-Winslow-pizza.

I've come to the realization that I already didn't like this movie before I watched it because I had to listen to people say how great it was, but I still think the first half was bad. However, since I didn't finish it, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Adding It Up: Tim Burton schtick - 1/2 of the music is miserable + Hans Gruber + Sweet death scenes= ? out of 8mm